I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
