the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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