If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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