My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
