Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
