I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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