Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
