4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
