The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
