I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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