I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
