whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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