I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
