Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
