Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
