So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
