Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
