hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
