yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
