I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A+ Viking dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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