yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Of course I have a pirate flag
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
