two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
