He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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