I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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