On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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