I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
being pregnant is like rehab
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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