just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
