True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
