I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
