I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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