Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize