is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
