the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
