I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize