I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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