I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
