Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
