were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
