Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
