I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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