we have pet lesbian snakes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You pole danced in your parka.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
