omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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