Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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