PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
