He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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