so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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