Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My liver just broke up with me...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
