so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
