I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
