We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
