I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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