at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
