Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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