just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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