He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
