Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
