Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
