Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
