How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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