I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
