I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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