NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
