It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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