It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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