Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize