i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize