If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
